Stockholm Syndrome

In order to take my scheduled chemotherapy, my blood counts have to be high enough. I have my labs drawn three days a week to make sure that they stay within the safe zone. Because some of my lab results have been "critically low" I haven't been able to have my scheduled chemo this week or last.

You would think that I'd be happy to stay at home rather than go to the hospital, but I really want to have my chemo stay on schedule. My doctor has to weigh the risks between letting the cancer continue to grow, or wiping out my immune system by giving me chemo therapy when it is too risky. Plus I miss my nurses and doctor.

Some of you may remember when millionaire heiress Patty Hearst was kidnapped by the Symbionese Liberation Army in 1974. After 2 months in captivity she took up their cause and actively robbed a bank. She was convicted and imprisoned.

Showing loyalty by a hostage to their captor is called the "Stockholm Syndrome". Now, I'm not equating my doctors and nurses as my captors, and chemotherapy as their cause, but I truly believe that they are doing the right thing with my care.

Kewpie Doll

I take 3 hour naps every afternoon because I am so tired. And with a nap comes. . . the dreaded, "Bed Head"! My hair is only 3/4 " long and I usually wake up looking like a Kewpie Doll.

Lately I have been wearing my wig less and less, even in public. I compensate by wearing heavier eye make up and large hoop earrings.

Gidddy Up!

My oncologist has ordered both physical and occupational therapy to speed my recovery. In the beginning before my brain biopsy when I didn't know that I had Primary Central Nervous System Lymphoma (driven by the Epstein Barr virus), I would loose my balance and fall routinely. So now I work three times a week with both a physical therapist and an occupational therapist who come to my home.

The physical therapy has been the most difficult for me. I still have problems walking without loosing my balance and I can't squat without falling over. The physical therapist suggested that I get a cane (but I'm determined not to need one). :-)

Neutropenia

I have blood siphoned from my body regularly. A few days ago a lab tech remarked, "It's a wonder that you still have any blood!" Last week my blood counts were too low to have chemotherapy and the chemo had to be postponed a week. This is not a good thing. The cancer is growing without a regular infusion of the chemo drugs.

I was neutropenic (new-tro-pee-nic) last week. My neutrophils were abnormally low. Neutrophils are white blood cells that serve as the major defense of my body against acute bacterial and certain fungal infections. When this happens, I have to take extra precautions. I can't be around any sick people and I have to wear a mask when I leave my room at the hospital or leave my home. I can't eat any fresh fruit or vegetables (unless they have thick skins like melons or bananas and are washed with soap and water), or be around fresh flowers or plants because they might harbor fungi. I can only drink bottled water. The dietary restrictions were the hardest part for me because I love fresh fruit!

Ninety three minus seven

When my doctor would come by for rounds in the hospital, he would ask me to answer arithmetic questions. The one that he usually asked was 93 minus 7. To that answer, I was to minus 7 again, and to that answer, minus 7 again, etc. I thought he was just playing a game with me. For a while there I couldn't get past 93 minus 7. Really, he was checking to see if a certain part of my brain was functioning properly.